We're Glad You Were Born

I get to do a lot of cool things these days. Meaningful things. One of those is sharing a brief word of encouragement at Wear Gloves on Fridays at noon. I enjoy being able to connect with people there and get updates from them, celebrate their victories, and some of them ask me to pray about stuff for them and I write it down in my journal.

Volunteers provide an amazing lunch for the WG clients, a few grocery gift cards are given away, I speak for 5ish minutes, then the birthdays and sober-versaries for the week are announced and we all sing the Happy Birthday song (you're probably familiar), followed by "We're glad you were born!"

A holy experience in 15 minutes or less.

But today is my dad's birthday. It occurred to me in class this morning when I put the date on an assignment. I held it together.

But I forgot that we sing Happy Birthday on Fridays. Today in particular after I have spoken about discovering hope when you feel surrounded by darkness.

For a brief moment, as the song began I felt a rush of sorrow and grief and anger. Instead of dealing with all of that in a room full of people for the second time today, I simply lowered my head and offered up a brief prayer of gratitude for my dad and our family.

Then the song was over.

My dad is not here, but he is present. When I am able to remember that I am beloved by God, I am also reminded of my dad's love for me. His love for my mom and my sister and my niece. For Ashley and Jules and Davy.

We all carry on in this imperfect but powerful love we have for one another, and it leads us closer to the love of God.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

EPIC FAITH

A Reflection on Mark 2:1-12

I became a youth pastor around the age of 20 at a small Baptist church in the woods. The first thing I did was buy a commentary on the miracles of Jesus and taught them during Wednesday night youth group. My first “series.”

This passage is a common go-to for youth pastors. It’s outrageous. Fun. It provided some wonderful low hanging fruit for someone like me who had not become a deep thinker of scripture (I am still working on that).

• Do you love Jesus enough to break through any barrier to get to him?

• Do you love your friends enough to do whatever it takes to bring them to Jesus?

• We need to have a bold faith like the faith of the paralytic’s friends!

• LET’S TEAR THE ROOF OFF THIS MOTHER—wait, no. Sorry. I got excited. Let’s bring it back…

This was a common theme of my 20s. The need to go to God. The need to be radical for Jesus. Not to have an ordinary faith. To have EPIC FAITH. That term litters my journals from the time (which I am trying to decide if I should burn before my children-or anyone-discovers them one day). My college friends Mike + Matt came up with it. It was some kind of vague ministry idea that I was smitten with and carried with me. The kind of thing earnest college students disillusioned with church come up with. When some of the youth group kids formed a band, we became the Epic-Faith* Band (the asterisk notes my obsession with the David Crowder* Band during those years as well).

This story was a prime example of what it meant to have EPIC FAITH.

Jesus rewards this EPIC FAITH with the forgiveness of the paralyzed man’s sins.

But deeper things are happening here. What his friends have lowered him down into is a kind of showdown between Jesus and the religious elites.

The first few chapters of the Gospel of Mark establish Jesus as a person of special authority. The kind of authority believed only to be held by God. Here Jesus claims this authority by announcing that the sins of the paralyzed man have been forgiven. This authority is verified by his command that the paralyzed man simply stand up and take his mat home. Which he does.

The paralyzed man is kind of invisible. He is irrelevant. Certainly, his disability is of no consequence. The miracle only exists to prove Jesus as having the authority to forgive sins—the authority of God.

But this also is not quite right. This reading is the low hanging fruit for someone trying to prove how serious they are about reading the Bible (me in my late-20s phase of flirting with neo-Reform theology).

I think there is yet a deeper thing happening here.

If you read the Gospels you will find them full of people like this paralyzed man. Blind folks. Paralyzed folks. Lepers. People with gross problems and issues. Undesirables. You see them in the same spots over and over again—the margins. The places of worship in Jesus’ world were also the center of market life. And in the medians and at the stoplights and interstate exit ramps of that market life sat the beggars. There were no social systems in place to protect these people. No accommodations. No caseworkers. No family training or counseling. No medical engineering. No sources of income. Invisible. Ignored.

These people were more than just a nuisance though. They were a sort of curse. A blot on a godly society. It was commonly believed that people who lived with these disabilities had sinned in some way against God. We see in John 9 some of this popular theology of the time. The blind man in that story is abandoned by his own parents.

In some ways, this story is astonishing and uncommon because this man has people who obviously care about him. The rumors of Jesus’ powers spread from town to town and these invisible people do everything they can to make their voice heard.

And Jesus, who stares the religious leaders in the face and claims the authority of God, hears them.

He sees them.

He welcomes them.

He embraces them.

He forgives their sins.

In forgiving the paralyzed man of his sins, in a strange way, he is acknowledging his humanity. His brokenness. His personhood. His validity to exist. His place in the kingdom of God.

Jesus emerges in the Gospel of Mark proclaiming “the kingdom of God has come near, repent, and believe in the good news.” (Mark 1:14)

Then he proceeds to gather all manner of non-religious, unworthy, and even radicalized folks to build his movement.

My friend says Jesus always moves toward the pain.

He moves.

He has come near.

We punch holes in rooftops because he first punched the hole in the rooftop.

Maybe what takes EPIC FAITH is to see people the way Jesus sees people. To welcome them. To embrace them.

No one is invisible.

No one’s pain is irrelevant.

Perhaps it requires EPIC FAITH to see yourself as Jesus sees you. To hear his words, “your sins are forgiven.” To see the kingdom of God that has come near. To believe you have a place in the world Jesus is building.

You are welcome.

You are not invisible.

Your pain is not irrelevant.

Jesus Christ, Son of God, give us eyes to see and ears to hear your word. Amen.

Go in peace + wash your hands,

-joshua.

The Kingdom of Heaven is like annoying students who cuss a lot...

When I was a new Christian and full of idealism, I did an awful lot to be an “effective disciple” and “win my city to Christ.”

But I did not accomplish much.

After a few years, I became cynical. I had harsh critiques of the music and messages of churches. Of their large buildings. How they spent money. I made some hilarious jokes about these churches. My observations weren’t wrong necessarily.

But I did not contribute much.

It wasn’t until I had become jaded, yet still full of hope that I began to see what it means to be loved by God and to love others in a way that is useful.

I don’t need to change the world.

I just want to help.

I don’t need to win anything for Christ.

I just want to follow Jesus.

I don’t want to build anyone’s organization—regardless of how it is labeled.

I just want to be in relationship with people in my community, reading scriptures together, sharing meals, helping in a time of need, singing together, praying together, supporting one another, sharing good news, weeping together.

I have learned enough to know that my ministry isn’t as a preacher (although I can preach). Or a worship leader (although I can lead worship).

I am a relational pastor. My time is best spent visiting folks. Spending time with them. Listening and learning from them. Speaking to their hurts and joys with truth and kindness. I make people feel welcomed. I make people feel heard. I encourage people.

Is there a ministry position for that?

How do you put that on a resume?

After being let go from my position at my church, I found myself scrambling for a job. We just bought a house to be near the work of this church—to more firmly plant ourselves here. We just had our second child. The pressure was on to find income.

I was fortunate enough to get a position at an alternative school. I am their sixth new teacher in the 2018-2019 school year. That many teachers have quit or were fired because they couldn’t handle working with the students.

My first days were difficult and overwhelming. But I refuse to quit. Where would I work? This was the only place that would take me. I have that much in common with my students at least.

After a few months, I feel that God is speaking to me through this work.

“THE GIRL’S GROUP” is one of our seven classes. The students stay in their group and move from class to class together. This group is all girls, assembled together largely because they cannot be in any other group due to their behavior. The discipline staff has referred to them as “real gangsters” and “lionesses" during my first days. It is not unearned. They are a bunch of jerks.

One girl in particular is the alpha. She is the loudest. The most aggravating. She yells out cuss words and insults for the entire hour she is in your room. It wears on you.

She came into class twenty minutes after we started, having just arrived at school from a court appearance.

The whole class cheered when she walked in. Apparently she thought she might not return from court. This happens on court days. Students go to court and sometimes leave into a program depending on how things are going. A month or two later they return to your class. One of the first things you learn about the juvenile justice system is that there is no consistency whatsoever in how they deal with kids.

Anyway, I let this student have her moment and give a full rundown of everything that happened in court with her friends before we went to lunch. She described her mom cussing out her JPO. She described her mom’s insults, under her breath, towards the judge and other court officials.

When we returned from lunch, I tried to calm the class down to resume work.

There she started arguing with me. Actually, I don’t argue with my students. It is more like she began to yell at me. She would cuss and yell. I would ask her to please have a seat and open her laptop. She would cuss and yell. I would give her the headphones and tell her to listen to some music and do her work. She would cuss and yell. I would firmly tell her to stop. She would cuss and yell. I opened my door and calmly told her to leave and that I would give her the referral in a minute.

She gave me the same angry, disrespectful attitude she described her mom giving to her JPO and court officials.

HERE IS WHERE YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL.

It is easy to look at the surface of this situation and think, “what a waste of time.”

“This kid is already lost.”

“She isn’t worth the time.”

“I am better than she is.”

On the surface.

But let us consider the reality of the situation: Just HOURS earlier, this little girl, who projects so exhaustively the illusion of being grown and independent, had her fate in the hands of some judge who just lectures kids from a seated position of power (literally) above her.

This same judge asked her mother, whom she hasn’t lived with in some time, if she wants her daughter to return home.

The mom hesitated.

The judge had to repeat the question.

Reluctantly, the mom said yes.

All while standing beside her daughter.

Then she walked into my online math class and insulted my teaching abilities in an attempt to look strong and defiant. Her attempt to regain the control that was just stripped away from her an hour or two earlier.

This girl is a giant pain in the ass. She knows it. She knows that if her mom loses custody, she will likely never be adopted. She eats up placements. Guardians and foster homes just can’t deal with it. And frankly, people just don’t adopt 15 year olds.

She is painfully aware of this.

Since she blew up at me and I sent her out of class, we have built what I consider a pretty good teacher/student relationship. I tease her a little, give her a hard time. She does the same to me. Occasionally she takes it too far and I caution her. I try to provide empathy. I try to provide motivation. I try to provide loving boundaries. To be some measure of stability in her chaotic life.

If we have a bad day together and she gets sent out of my room, I make sure the next morning to “dap her up,” tell her good morning, or make a hilarious joke. To make sure she knows that what happened yesterday is done and it has nothing to do with today. I hope that she feels, in my classroom room at least for one hour of her day, she is accepted for who she is. That at least one person has reasonable expectations of her and believes she can grow to meet those expectations.

On several occasions she has walked up to me, usually skipping another class, to apologize for her behavior the day before. I don’t need this apology. I don’t ask for it either. It is her doing. Evidence that she is trying. That she does care. And that she has accepted me as someone in her life. I hope I bear the responsibility well.

This isn’t just some job I got stuck with because I got fired. I mean, it is. But it is more than that. I am a teacher for students who have been given up on by teachers.

It sucks. It is really hard. It is not glorious. I feel like a loser.

At the same time, these are exactly the kind of people I feel called to serve in community with and would otherwise never have access to. God is shaping me in this work. He is changing my theology. He is painfully making me aware of racism I never realized existed in my heart. He is showing me how hard the kingdom work I seem to be called to is going to be. Every day is a call to repent of my preconceived notions of what ministry is and follow Jesus further down the rabbit hole.

I feel I am on to something with my new job and with my art. I just don’t know where it is going. I’m just trying to hold on.

I don’t know where my “work” is going to be. Or who is going to pay for it. Whether it will be schools, programs, or churches. But I know who my people are. My people are these little shits. And probably their families too. And God help me, I am starting to love them.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

-Romans 12:2 (NRSV)

Peace + love,

-joshua (2019).

DREAMS DEFERRED

HARLEM

by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore-

and then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over-

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

IMAGO DEI by Joshua Dease.

A friend of mine invited me to contribute a piece for a black history art show called Dreams Deferred, inspired by Hughes’ poem Harlem. I was a little nervous, you know, being a white dude and all. But she and her co-curator had looked at my work and felt I would be able to do it.

The poem uses some gross metaphors. It’s not pretty. It is brutal. The dream is hurt, crushed, and reformed… but it never ceases to exist. The dream deferred is a dream persistent. Looking at black history, which I have been for the last two years, you see this persistence. And it is not pretty. It is brutal. You see incredible leaders such as Bishop Richard Allen in his later years start to wonder if maybe it would be better for African Americans to make their way back to Africa and start a colony of their own (a popular debate in the 1820s-40s among African American leaders who were already tired and worn from the struggle for emancipation at that point). Seemingly indestructible figures like Frederick Douglass -who saw emancipation accomplished only to be followed by the brutal rise of lynchings at the mere thought of black citizenship- at the end of their lives knew they wouldn’t see the fruit of their long labors, and wondered if fruit would ever come.

As I thought about this centuries old struggle, which has not been my struggle, I made this art. It is very simplistic. A clear message.

Over the last two years, I have been playing around with drawing regular folks, maybe even sketchy folks, as Church iconography. The process by which the Roman Catholic Church recognizes formal Saints is both fascinating and mysterious to me. It always happens after the figure is dead. Sometimes long after. There’s a quote by Dorothy Day, “Don’t call me a saint, I don’t want to be dismissed that easily.”

I think it is a tragedy of life that we often fail to recognize or honor the humanity of others until it is too late. I think about the legacy of Trayvon Martin (1995-2012) and I cannot help but wonder if he would ever have had a small fraction of the community love + support he has now, as a symbol, if he had lived as a person. And I wonder, in a more useful + necessary way, if I am the kind of person willing to give this community love + support to kids like Trayvon. Because if not, I believe that means I am complicit in deferring the dream. Prolonging the struggle. Inspiring the brutality of the metaphors.

So that is what this artwork is about. The sacredness of the normal. The sacredness of the other. The sacredness of the enemy. The sacredness of however you see the people I have depicted here.

May we have eyes to see + ears to hear one another as neighbors + fellow travelers. May we recognize one another as brothers + sisters when it is day, and not only after the night has come.

Peace + Love,

-joshua.

To my friends at Brick City Church,

Brick City Church,

The amount of love and support we received from you in the wake of Davy’s premature birth in October was astounding. We are still in awe of how you stepped up and became Christ to us in a time of need. We will never forget it and are thankful for you.

Ashley and I would like to clarify the sudden announcement last week that I will not be the Pastor of Mobilization at Brick City Church anymore. It seems that some believe that I resigned from this position. This is not the case. I was let go.

I wasn’t planning to write a post like this. I was going to leave the explanation to the leadership of the church. However, when a pastor is vaguely let go, many people come to the conclusion that is was because of a moral failure. This is not what happened. There simply wasn’t enough room for my position in the new mission, vision, and leadership structure of the church.

I want to be careful here because Ashley and I deeply love Brick City Church. We want to see it grow and thrive and become a source of reconciliation in our community. Because of this deep love for our church, this has been a very painful week for us. We were not expecting this and need time to process and heal. We will be taking a break from attending BCC. Although we will not be there with you, I am very excited to see what transpires with the mid-town project and the potential impact it will have on our city.

Go in peace and may the Lord bless you real good,

Josh and Ashley

Eugene Peterson

"The Christian life is the lifelong practice of attending to the details of congruence-congruence between ends and means, congruence between what we do and the way we do it, congruence between what is written in Scripture and our living out what is written, congruence between a ship and its prow, congruence between preaching and living, congruence between sermon and what is lived in both preacher and congregation, the congruence of the Word made flesh in Jesus with what is lived in our flesh."

-Eugene Peterson (As Kingfishers Catch Fire)

I don't think there is a person who has influenced my theology, my understanding of the Bible, or kingdom living more than Eugene Peterson. His death today marks the loss of a great teacher unlike any other in the digital age-not only in his words, but in his life and the way he wielded such a massive platform (of which he was somewhat oblivious to and dismissive of).

His writing is deep and worthy of aspiration, not mere sermons converted to blog-chapters. Actual prose conveying the difficult interactions of the physical and the spiritual with beauty and charm.

The Message has become a close friend and taught me how to read the Bible. Few weeks have gone by in the past 15 years where I haven't consulted it at least once.

I am grateful for the message of Peterson's life. What a gift.

-joshua (10/22/18)

A BLESSING FOR ALL MOTHERS.

This is a prayer I wrote and led our community at Brick City Church through this morning. The response has been very encouraging, so I have decided to post it here in case it is helpful:

SPIRIT OF THE LIVING GOD, WE ASK TO SIT AT YOUR TABLE.

WE ASK THAT YOUR LIVING WATER WOULD FILL US.

WE ASK THAT YOUR LIVING WATER WOULD FLOW OUT OF US.

WE ASK THAT YOUR LIVING WATER WOULD DROWN OUR BIAS, OUR AGENDAS, OUR FOOLISHNESS, OUR ANGER, AND SORROWS.

TODAY IS A DAY WE REMIND OURSELVES TO HONOR AND REMEMBER EACH OTHER.

WE THANK YOU FOR MOTHERS TODAY, AND FOR THE SPECIAL CONTRIBUTION THEY MAKE TO OUR COMMUNITY. WE THANK YOU FOR OUR MOMS WHO FORM US, LOOK OUT FOR US, LOVE US, BRING LIGHT TO US, AND LEAD US TO YOU. STRENGTHEN THEIR HEARTS. MAY THEY REPRESENT YOU AND YOUR KINGDOM AND BRING LIGHT AND LOVE TO THE SHAPELESS AND THE BROKEN.

WE THANK YOU FOR OUR GRANDMOTHERS WHO CONTINUE TO FORM US, LOOK OUT FOR US, LOVE US, BRING LIGHT TO US, AND LEAD US TO YOU. WE PRAY FOR YOU TO STRENGTHEN THEIR HEARTS. MAY THEY REPRESENT YOU AND YOUR KINGDOM AND BRING LIGHT AND LOVE TO THE SHAPELESS AND THE BROKEN.

WE PRAY FOR FOSTER MOTHERS AND ADOPTIVE MOTHERS AND WOMEN WHO HAVE DECIDED TO STEP UP AND MENTOR CHILDREN IN OUR COMMUNITY. WHETHER THEY HAVE BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN OR NOT, THESE WOMEN CHOOSE TO STAND UP FOR THE MISTREATED, ABUSED, AND ABANDONED. WE THANK YOU FOR THE WAY THEY CHOOSE TO FORM US, LOOK OUT FOR US, LOVE US, BRING LIGHT TO US, AND LEAD US TO YOU. STRENGTHEN THEIR HEARTS. MAY THEY REPRESENT YOU AND YOUR KINGDOM AND BRING LIGHT AND LOVE TO THE SHAPELESS AND THE BROKEN.

WE PRAY FOR MOTHERS WHO HAVE LOST CHILDREN. MOTHERS WHO HAVE MISCARRIED OR ARE DEALING WITH INFERTILITY. WE PRAY FOR THOSE OF US WHO HAVE LOST OUR MOTHERS. FOR ANYONE IN OUR COMMUNITY FOR WHOM THIS DAY IS A REMINDER OF PAIN OR FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY OR ABANDONMENT. WE THANK YOU THAT YOU LOVE US FIERCELY. WE THANK YOU THAT JESUS ALWAYS MOVES TOWARD THE PAIN. WE PRAY FOR SUPERNATURAL PEACE AND HEALING. MAY YOUR KINGDOM BRING LIGHT AND LOVE TO THE SHAPELESS AND THE BROKEN.

FOR ALL OF THESE PEOPLE TODAY WE PRAY FAITH, HOPE, LOVE, ENDURANCE, AND HEALING.

SPIRIT OF THE LIVING GOD, WE COME TO YOUR TABLE.

AMEN

A Living Protest.

"To those who need profound succor and strength to enable them to live in the present with dignity and creativity, Christianity often has been sterile and of little avail. The conventional Christian word is muffled, confused, and vague. Too often the price exacted by society for security and respectability is that the Christian movement in its formal expression must be on the side of the strong against the weak. This is a matter of tremendous significance, for it reveals to what extent a religion that was born of a people acquainted with persecution and suffering has become the cornerstone of a civilization of nations whose very position in modern life has too often been secured by a ruthless use of power applied to weak and defenseless peoples."

-Howard Thurman (1976)

I didn't make it past PAGE TWO of Jesus and the Disinherited without having to pump the brakes and stare at the wall in contemplation.

Everything about God's forming of Israel and Jesus announcing the kingdom of God and the acts of the early church was subversive to the power of empire. This is the nature of Christianity. It is a significant portion of how we are instructed to relate to God in the scriptures.

IF Christianity, which was meant to subvert empire, becomes the foundation of empire (and this is admittedly a big "IF" for some), is it really Christianity anymore or has it been shaped into something else?

It is clearly something else.

"If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!"

(Jesus in Matthew 6:23, NRSV)

So what do we do? I am not fond of protests (although I love seeing the signs people make). I just don't necessarily think they are helpful in the long run. I understand why people do them. I understand their historical significance. I just don't see that as the path forward for my life and work.

I don't want to just be angry or point terrible things out on social media.

I am a pretty good cartoonist. But I don't want to use my ability to just make political cartoons.

I WANT TO BE A LIVING PROTEST. 

If people have hijacked Christianity to be an instrument of empire, then I want my actions, my conversations, my influence on others, my relationships with others, my learning, my prayer life, and my talent to undermine that. I don't want to be angry about it. I want to live in such a way that I poke holes enough holes in the empire that it eventually sinks. 

I don't believe there is a place for nationalism in Christianity.

I think that is actually a major part of the problem.

This is not a critique of American Christianity. It is about more than political divide. It is about more than the racial disparity between black and white folks. It is about more than war and military intervention. This has been happening to our faith since Constantine took the reigns in Rome. It wasn't a problem with Roman Catholicism that was solved when the Protestant Reformation came about. It has been present and will continue to be present.

This is a problem with humans and how they relate to God and to one another. Christianity should never be a religious institution that subjects its will on others. This is not part of the authority of the church. We are not a people called to inflict suffering. We are a people called to suffer with the suffering. This is where the love of Jesus is found. We are not called to cast people aside or trample over people. We are called to stand with the outcast and the trampled upon. This is where the love of Jesus is found. A Gospel full of scripture quotes and theological discourse about the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus that does not move its followers to live this way, is weak, ineffective, and not worthy of devotion.

I was asked at Theology on Tap the other day about what makes a person good. For me it is all a matter of how someone treats others around them. How do they treat their family, friends, co-workers, strangers, enemies? This is the true revelation of our theology, our faith, and the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. Someone's view of the afterlife does very little to tell me if we can agree enough theologically to work together. How does someone treat their neighbor, and who do they regard as a neighbor is everything for me.

There's grace in this, of course. We will get things wrong.

I am wrong all the time. 

I don't need to save the world. I just need to help.

-joshua.

SPIT + MUD

we are born in darkness.

JESUS moved into the neighborhood.

he is the LIGHT.

he raises us out of the SPIT + MUD.

he remembers our DIGNITY.

he RESTORES our humanity.

he fills us with his LIGHT.

we bring the LIGHT to others.

I spent Saturday morning at Church in the Garden. Ocala has a population of homeless and distressed people. A dignity based ministry called Wear Gloves serves this community. They help "homies" find jobs and acquire skills to obtain and maintain employment. They do not give out food or bikes or clothes. They help those who have been placed in the margins of our society earn what they need. This work is very exciting and has led them to unexpected places. In July they started Dignity Roasters. So homies are learning how to roast coffee, they package this coffee, and ship orders. There are homies who literally watch Youtube videos on coffee roasting techniques in their tents at night. And the coffee is good. Really Good. Dignity Roasters has blossomed into a coffee shop where you can hang out and enjoy the brew right there. Homies become certified in food handling and work for fair wages (equivalent to about $10 per hour) and hopefully develop the skills to obtain a job in this field once experience has been established and maintained. 

Church in the Garden is an outdoor church that meets every Saturday. Churches from the area sign up to provide breakfast, they bring a worship team, and there is a different teacher each week. But this is a dignity based ministry. Churches don't serve food to the homeless. They just bring the food. Homies set out the food at tables and they eat with the visitors from other churches. So it isn't really about the "haves" providing for the "have nots." It is actually about people sitting down to share a meal and worship and learn with other people that they normally would avoid at all costs... and when you think about it... that... yeah... I think... that is kind of what is happening in the Gospels. Right?

The reason people were so annoyed with Jesus all the time is that he forced people to hang out with each other. If you had a set idea of what a bad person was while you were hanging out with Jesus, it was a safe bet he was going to put you in a situation where you would have to sit down and break bread with this person. 

It doesn't stop there. Homies lead the congregation in the Lord's Prayer. They read the scripture for the day. Some share poetry. Before I started leading worship Saturday, "Donald the One-eyed Blues Man" played an original song called Gonna Make the Devil Scream as well as a really beautiful version of Amazing Grace on his harmonica. IT IS THEIR CHURCH HOME. I am a visitor.

Homies pass out the elements of communion (bread and grape juice). My first visit, I was not prepared for the sacred moment when this happened. It was transformative for me in how I view communion and its purpose. 

We sang together and then I prepared to teach at Church in the Garden for the first time. It is best to keep your message to about ten minutes. I taught on John chapter 9. I talked about this man who had been condemned as useless by society and left on the streets because of his disability. The disciples saw him and did not recognize him as a human but an object lesson in discussing theology. But Jesus affirmed his humanity.

It is not so important that the man was blind and Jesus healed his eyes. What is more important is the way Jesus treated him as an image bearer of God capable of doing kingdom work. This blind man had been abandoned to a shameful life sitting in the spit + mud in the street, begging. Jesus met him there in his humility and used the spit + mud to bring healing. He did not take pity on the man. He restored his dignity which had been stolen not by his blindness, but by his community, his family, and his spiritual leaders.

When the story ends though, this man is still a street person as far as we know. We don't even get a name for the dude. I was telling this story to people who, due to a myriad of circumstances, have basically become this blind guy. I was telling them that Jesus meets us in our shame and suffering and brings healing to us. He calls us out of the darkness so that we can receive the light, and reflect that light for others to see. I have to confess, I was plagued with a sense that I may be full of crap as I talked to them. 

I also made a mini comic about what is happening in John 9. So many people work extremely hard and have sacrificed much for the different ministries Wear Gloves does. I wanted to honor that work and pour all of myself into Church in the Garden. Making art is a large part of how I process and contemplate God's kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. So I wanted to share that with my brothers and sisters Saturday. It was fun.

You can learn more about Wear Gloves, sign up for a subscription of delicious fair trade coffee roasted by homies, or donate to their ministry on their sweet new website: http://weargloves.org/

Ken, one of the founders of Wear Gloves, spoke at our church and shared a lot of their story recently. You can watch that here: https://vimeo.com/255303358

-joshua (2018).  

DIG IN.

"It is time for us to exhibit by our very lives that we believe in the oneness of the Body of Christ. It is time for us to prove that the purpose of the gospel is to reconcile alienated people to God and to each other, across racial, cultural, social, and economic barriers. It is time for the reconciling love of God that has touched each individual heart to spill over into love for our neighbor." 

-John Perkins (Beyond Charity)

Facebook reminded me that two years ago, I got to see one of the major influencers of my faith and theology speak in Gainesville. 

This is what I posted on Facebook about it:

"It was really encouraging to hear Dr. John Perkins talking about being stewards of life tonight at Greenhouse Church in Gainesville! The takeaway for me: find a place where your love, creativity, and gifts can make a difference and dig in."

It was an unexpected joy to be reminded of that night. At the time I wrote this in 2016, I was still raw from being unable to raise support to move to Slovenia. I was angry at churches I had invested in for not being serious about the Great Commission. I felt like a failure - like not getting the support was a result of sin in my life or a lack of faith or that I simply wasn't good enough (basically, variations of the arguments found in Job). I was in over my head working as a teacher. I had lost my sense of purpose and direction in life. I was in a new city away from close friends. Essentially, I had started over in life and was JACKED UP. 

Even in this state of brokenness though, I knew I needed to hold on to what faith in God I could. So when I found out at the last minute that Perkins was speaking in Gainesville, I forced Ashley to go with me (she was pretty done with church stuff at that time and wasn't really interested). We also had attended Brick City Church about 3-4 times when we heard Perkins teach. This means that as I heard from him that I should find a place where my love, creativity, and gifts can make a difference and dig in - I WAS ALREADY AT THAT PLACE, AND I WAS DOING JUST THAT.

Two years later, I am the Pastor of Mobilization here at Brick City Church...

I have a Missional Community meeting in my living room every Monday night where we share frustrations, victories, struggles, and talk about what it means to follow Jesus - all the while having these people show love towards my daughter running around the living room as we talk and take turns cuddling with the newborn of another couple in our group.

I meet with a group of people I normally would never get the chance to hang out with at Theology on Tap every Wednesday, where we have a similar discussion over a few beers.

I spent this morning playing guitar and working on learning some new songs to sing with the congregation on Sunday.

In August, I got an entire Sunday morning service to talk with my friends Andrej and Nina about the work they are doing in Slovenia. Then our church decided to support their work financially (without my prompting). It was a beautiful experience for me, and brought much peace and healing to Ashley and I. 

This afternoon I will meet with some missionaries who live in Slovenia, and hear more about the work they are doing in a part of that country I am unfamiliar with. 

I am designing trading cards of some key women of the Bible to accompany a sermon series after Easter, and when I finish those I will be making comics of Rabbi stories Brad has collected over the years and we will self-publish and release it in the fall (this is the closest I may get to being a paid comic creator-FYI). 

Our church invited the pastor of a nearby Mt. Zion AME church to speak one afternoon on how to start the practice of racial reconciliation in our community. We then walked with this church on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. After we initiated those two events with Mt. Zion, their pastor invited our church to join them for a Sunday service and cookout. 

We quickly scrapped our plans, and condensed our service to 45 minutes. Then more than half our congregation went to Mt. Zion. I got to lead worship in the first black church of Ocala, started over 150 years ago, and Brad got to teach. Then our people and their people ate fish and grits and hotdogs and hamburgers and just spent time together while our kids ran around. Our hope is to continue to be neighbors with this church and see what God might do with our friendship here in Ocala. 

There are a dozen other things I am working on, either for me to initiate with our community or for me to support and be a part of...

I have found a place where my love, creativity, and gifts can make a difference and I have dug in.

Our community here has helped Ashley and I find healing. It has not helped me recover my passion for Jesus, but it has fostered a new passion and understanding of Jesus that is much deeper and broader in scope. After years of languishing in communities that not only lack vision, but are suspicious of it, we have found a place that welcomes and encourages it. We have matured here.

This community has helped continue to bring the Gospel to Slovenia, not by Ashley and I working there, but in supporting others who work there. We have started the long process of Gospel reconciliation through neighboring with Mt. Zion to reflect the dignity of all people as image bearers of God.

My work is to use every ounce of creativity I can muster to shepherd others into this life of following the Jesus who is subversive to every value we have that is self-serving and would abandon our neighbors to the wasteland. 

Thank you, Dr. Perkins.

Thank you Brick City Church community and friends.

Thank you Mt. Zion AME.

MAY THE LORD BLESS YOU REAL GOOD,

-joshua (January 2018)

Frederick Douglass as a founding father...

"For the present, it is enough to affirm the equal manhood of the Negro race. Is it not astonishing that, while we are ploughing, planting, and reaping, using all kinds of mechanical tools, erecting houses, constructing bridges, building ships, working in metals of brass, iron, copper, silver and gold; that, while we are reading, writing and ciphering, acting as clerks, merchants and secretaries, having among us lawyers, doctors, ministers, poets, authors, editors, orators and teachers; that, while we are engaged in all manner of enterprises common to other men, digging god in California, capturing the whale in the Pacific, feeding sheep and cattle on the hill-side, living, moving, acting, thinking, planning, living in families as husbands, wives and children, and, above all, confessing and worshipping the Christian's God, and looking hopefully for life and immortality beyond the grave, we are called upon to prove that we are men!" -Frederick Douglass (The Meaning of July Fourth for the Negro).

I freaking love reading this dude's speeches. My mind works in comic book, so I am just seeing the tension and courage it would take in his context to stand up and speak like this. If there are any admirable and inspiring qualities to be found in the founding fathers, surely they were equally present in men like Douglass.

-joshua (2018).

AN EXPLORER OF THE MOMENT - BE STILL 2018.

I have a tendency to overcommit, become overwhelmed by all the things I overcommitted to, and retreat via vegging out with six seasons of something on Netflix with Doritos and enough soda to serve a family of eight. 

So my only real goals for 2018 (besides maybe drinking less soda) are to learn to just be present and enjoy what is good, mourn with those who mourn, listen well, and speak up + speak clearly when the time calls for it.

To do this I just plan to make sure that in the midst of being extremely busy I will not forget to start my day with poetry, listen to new music, hang with people, discover old music, draw just for the fun of it, and play with my little girl without getting caught up in how much I should do to care for her in order to be a good dad.

It is ingrained in me that a good dad is a provider who makes sure his little girl has everything she needs + everything she wants.

That is not a good dad.

A good dad is PRESENT.

So is a good husband.

And a good friend.

And neighbor.

So that's me this year: God is present. I am present. Present to God. Present to my wife. Present to my family. Present to my friends. Present to new friends. Present to fun + adventure. Present to pain + suffering.

An explorer of the moment.

This will involve working hard. I am in grad school. I am a pastor. I am a husband + dad. There is a lot of work that needs to be done. But that work has a time + place. There will always be more that I could do, and I can always do it better. But just as God set the boundaries for the sea, saying this far and no farther, I will set the boundaries of my work as well.*

-joshua (2018 YO!)

*There may be occasional flooding. 

BEST OF 2017...

HERE IS A LIST OF MY TOP FIVE THINGS FROM 2017 THAT SEEM TO HAVE MADE ME A LITTLE BIT OF A BETTER PERSON OR HAVE CAUSED ME TO HAVE ENJOYED LIFE A LITTLE MORE...

1. Books: "From Water to Wine" by Brian Zahnd and "The Pursuing God" by Joshua Ryan Butler. 

Reading these two books created a crucial paradigm shift in my relationship with God and how I live my life. I suffered a major theological breakdown in 2016. I started this year still reeling from the experience. These two books along with great community and friends helped to pick up the pieces and transform my faith in the Living God who is present and near. 

"I've come to realize that the main purpose of prayer is not to change the world, but to change me... and I am under the assumption that this will take a lifetime. I might naively think the world can be changed in a decade or two, but I know good and well it will take the better part of a lifetime to change me... We grow like oak trees, not dandelions."

-Brian Zahnd, p. 121

2. Missio Alliance Awakening Conference. 

I mean, I got to hear NT Wright, in person, talk about people being the poetry of God who are designed to make poetry. I got to hear the Ruth Padilla de Borst talk about our communion with the Trinity. I got to make art and received a free book from Mandy Smith, who is also a pastor that makes art. I was at a place where it wasn't crazy or liberal or against the Gospel to talk about the reality of racial injustice. I ate bone-in pork chops with greens and an old-fashioned two nights in a row from two separate restaurants. Crazy!

Above all the beautiful ideas that I was introduced to at this conference, it was helpful to me in a deeply personal way. After the dream Ashley and I had of moving to Slovenia as missionaries died, I was uncertain what my relationship to ministry should be. In the midst of this conference, watching people do the thing they are compelled to do by the moving of the Spirit, I knew that my path should be working alongside them. It gave me the clarity of purpose which led me to working at Brick City Church. 

3. The Silver Surfer by vol. 1-5 by Matt Fraction, Mike Allred, and Laura Allred.

I have a deeply rooted, long-time love for comics. Even though I read a lot of indy stuff, I still have love for superheroes. This comic is one of the most fun, clever, exciting, and emotional books I have ever read. I basically buy every book that the Allreds are a part of. Their work is just inspiring (especially their creator owned Madman comics). This book is something that I think about often, even months after I finished reading it. It is an experience I am not used to, but I feel like it is important and beautiful. If you have followed comics for any period of time, you have probably heard someone mention the importance of the Lee/Kirby run of Fantastic Four, the Claremont/Byrne run of X-Men, or the Frank Miller run of Daredevil: THIS IS ONE OF THOSE IMPORTANT ERAS THAT PEOPLE WILL BE TALKING ABOUT. 

So if you are up for an intergalactic love story/adventure that will leave you with a great example of what comics can do that no other medium can... this is the story for you. 

4. Ministry: Brick City Church + the Dignity Center.

Oh man. Working with all the cool people at Brick City Church, getting to see so many dreams realized and the creation of new dreams has been amazing. THEN on top of that, being associated with the Dignity Center and the work that they are doing with homeless and distressed folks here in the city has only added to that. They help give my theology purpose. I feel truly alive in these friendships and in this mission. The welcoming and acceptance I have experienced has brought healing to my life, and the expectations and confidence these people have placed on me has helped me to grow up in really important ways. 

DIGNITY NOT DEPENDENCY.

5. Being Ashley's husband and Jules' dad.

I know this might seem forced or cheesy, but Jules has made my marriage with Ashley and my life so much better and more meaningful.

For such a long time I heard people talk about children as a burden. Ashley's entire pregnancy people talked to us as if they were prepping us for the front lines of the Vietnam war. I cherish my friendship with Ashley so much that I was nervous about how a child might change it.

Jules could not be further from that reality for us. Of course having a child is difficult and requires self-sacrifice on a daily basis. But each day, with the cleaning and the straightening and the food-throwing and the lack of sleep and the crying and the concerts we don't get to go to and the canceling on friends, I get to watch a person grow and taste life and experience new things and show affection. I get to help guide that person through their experiences. And she will help guide me.

Jules has affected me in ways I am not even fully aware of. My eyes are welling with tears even now just thinking about it.

She is light. She is beauty. She is adventure. She is love. She is... sassy too.

Forced, cheesy, or not... everything that I experience is through the lens of being Ashley's husband and Jules' dad - in our trifold community together. And I think those experiences are much richer because of it.   

Goodbye, 2017.

-joshua.

2017 - A GENEROUS ORTHODOXY

It is the end of the year, and everyone is making lists of their favorite movies, books, and music.

2017 has been a crazy year for me. I transitioned into the role of Pastor of Mobilization at Brick City Church - my first experience getting paid full-time to be in ministry. I have also experienced some closure and healing after failing to raise support to be a missionary in Slovenia. Part of that recovery has been shifting theological views that have caused me to encounter the Holy Spirit in unexpected and deeper ways than I have experienced before. 

In terms of year-end-lists, I am not sure anyone would care what my favorite books or albums were. But given the crazy year it has been, I feel compelled to say that the Generous Orthodoxy episode of Malcolm Gladwell's podcast Revisionist History might be the most profound ideological thing I have experienced this year - although Brian Zahnd's Water To Wine might be equal... Year end reflections are hard... 

In this episode, Gladwell talks about GENEROUS ORTHODOXY as a means of challenging a systematic power in a CONSTRUCTIVE way, and compares it to non-constructive ways to challenge that power.

The phrase comes from theologian Hans Frei stating the need to find a middle ground between ORTHODOXY + GENEROSITY because orthodoxy without generosity leads to blindness, and generosity without orthodoxy is shallow and empty. Gladwell states, "you must respect the body you wish to heal."

A few weeks ago I was a crappy example of GENEROUS ORTHODOXY when I posted an article about Trump and the RNC endorsing Roy Moore as candidate for Senator in Alabama due to the need for Republicans to hold on to power in DC, despite multiple accusations of child molestation. This was a final blow separating me from that party going forward. I reacted in anger at the relationship between the Church and the Republican party and stated that the idea of Republicans being somehow morally superior to Democrats was delusional.

I think this anger at the Republican Party's use of the Church is warranted and the right perspective, but it was expressed poorly in a way that does not allow others to hear my convictions or to come alongside them.

That is the key.

My post started a dumpster fire of useless political debate, which is embarrassing. Perhaps it was the last moment of reckless youth before turning 34 the following day? That sounds nice. 

To simply express anger at a situation or a system only serves to unite you with people who agree with you against people you see as the opposition. The only way for that group to bring change is to mass together and overthrow that opposition.

That was essentially the strategy of the Trump campaign, and it was effective at least in getting him elected. That method has not allowed him to effect the kind of change he stated he wanted to bring, though, because the people he needs to pass laws are not the angry body that pushed him into the White House. 

(I could also write a really good analogy about the French Revolution here, which was propelled by that method and succeeded in overthrowing the monarchy but failed in replacing it with a stable representative government... but I'll skip it.)

IF the goal is not to WIN your argument or FORCE change, then this tactic is not the way FORWARD. 

As a minister, my purpose is GOSPEL RECONCILIATION THROUGH RELATIONSHIP. My theological world view is that this is how God relates to us and intends for us to relate with one another: 

"All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting the message of reconciliation to us."  (2 Corinthians 5:18-19 NRSV)

I help shepherd people into that life.

But I CANNOT ignore social issues and just "preach the Gospel." To do that would mean to ignore injustice and delegate everything to a spiritual realm that has little consequence in daily living. Bonhoeffer wrote some pretty strict warnings about that kind of "gospel." To talk about the life of Jesus, the crucifixion, resurrection, and the coming of the Holy Spirit but ignore the racial hurt and injustice being felt all around me is useless and possibly dangerous because it excuses those complicit in injustice. That is a theology that views the purpose of the GOSPEL and SALVATION as a means for reunification with God in some future existence, and I believe that is a snow globe view of God's kingdom.

The simple fact is that systematic inequality and injustice are happening all around us, practiced and endorsed by our government and economic structures (whether we would label them Right, Left, Capitalist, Socialist, or otherwise - in this they are unified). The evidence is overwhelming. To ignore this is to ignore the healing power and justice of the Gospel.

We cannot reconcile what we will not recognize.  

I don't long for a world in which the weak and persecuted have overthrown the powerful, and it is now they who lord over their abusers. I long for a world in which the powerful have been lowered and the weak have been raised by the healing power of Gospel reconciliation. It is not about being a "social justice warrior" bringing down the system. It is about responding to the hurt and pain of the world created by the system by stating, "This is wrong. I am not okay with this. There is another way." 

The Gospel of Jesus is the other way.

The Gospel recognizes the image of God in all people above flags, agendas, and ideals, and seeks to join one another at God's table in community.

Jesus condemned the religious elite and corrupt government for preying upon and taking advantage of those they were meant to protect. He was very direct in this. But he was also clear that his actions were meant to bring about restoration for the oppressor as well as the oppressed. He recognized that which needed to be reconciled. He was willing to give his life for this. The Holy Spirit has come so that we may carry on this work.

When I see religious organizations and government in the United States still taking advantage of those they are meant to protect - bringing harm to the poor, to women, to different races, to outsiders - I mean to be direct in pointing out this injustice. But, it is necessary to have eyes to see the root of these systems are people like me. People who are capable of being reconciled to God and of being part of that reconciliation process rather than its obstacle. 

People capable of posing danger to other people BECOMING people posing danger to antichrist systems that harm to God's creation.

What this concept of GENEROUS ORTHODOXY has meant to me this year is resistance to the ideas of "change or die" or "if you don't agree with this I have nothing to do to you." I am fighting this "stay out of the way" mentality.

When I see someone refusing to acknowledge injustice, or condemning those who are tying to do something about it, or supporting corrupt systems in the name of Christ... instead I contemplate and pray: "What would it take to bring this person along? How can this be communicated so they have ears to hear? What is at the heart of their resistance?" 

This, for me, is a much more helpful approach that protects me from self-righteousness and unhelpful rants, and allows me to make room for the Spirit to do the work of shepherding people into reconciliation with God and one another. 

Here is a link to the podcast:  http://revisionisthistory.com/episodes/09-generous-orthodoxy

Merry Christmas,

-joshua (2017)

THE GREATNESS TO COME

This is from a letter Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote while in prison as a political enemy of the nazi party (12/1/1943):

"Thus Advent can be celebrated only by those whose souls give them no peace, who know that they are poor and incomplete, and who sense something of the greatness that is supposed to come, before which they can only bow in humble timidity, waiting until he inclines himself toward us - the Holy One himself, God in the child in the manger. God is coming; the Lord Jesus is coming; Christmas is coming. Rejoice, O Christendom!"

After being transferred to a concentration camp, he was hanged on April 9, 1945.

Jesus tells us to keep awake.

To use the time we have to make a difference in the lives of others. To be vocal when it is convenient and inconvenient.

If we're lucky, our words might stick around to bring healing and fuel movements even after we are gone.

Either way, let's be diligent and filled with joy in what we have before us: God's kingdom slowly invading the world as a weed taking over a garden.

No matter how many weeds are pulled and tossed, they keep coming. It is the slow moving, ever present kingdom relentlessly advancing upon evil with grace and love.

In our lives and in our prayers, may your kingdom come, Jesus.

-joshua (12/07/2017).

(I don't mean to post this as an indicator of our current political times. I am 34 today, which means I don't care to be covert in my politics anymore. I'll just say what I want so there is no confusion on stances. I am just moved by Bonhoeffer's continued hope for justice during times when it seemed like there was only darkness - and there is no mistaking where he saw the source of that justice coming from.)

PASTOR OF MOBILIZATION

I started teaching World History at a local high school in the fall of 2015. Last year I also taught US Government. It was strange becoming a teacher. It was something I had always considered but never really pursued.

It seemed to be a pretty natural fit and the timing was incredible because when becoming missionaries to Slovenia fell through, we were left with only questions and uncertainty. It was great to do something rigid and structured, yet loose and creative. It was a big confidence booster as well. I (mostly) enjoyed working with teenagers again, and I had some really great co-workers.

As my second summer break is drawing to a close, I am filled with this weird vibe walking down the "back to school" aisles in stores… BECAUSE I’M NOT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.

In a strange turn of events that happened in the last couple of weeks, I now work FULL-TIME at Brick City Church in Ocala, FL as their PASTOR OF MOBILIZATION.

Starting today.

Like right now.

I am at work.

Working.

At the church office.

Right now.

This is the first time where the thing that I love to do and devote so much attention to is also the thing that I do to earn a living.

My new job is three core parts:

1.     Worship Leader: Not just coordinating the team to play songs on Sunday, but forming the worship service as a liturgy of CONTEMPLATION + MISSION using music, prayer, scripture, and art.

2.     Local + Global Missions: I never blamed myself when we failed to raise support to move to Slovenia. Instead, I was crushed by the response I received from churches. Not that they had rejected my ministry, but that MANY of them didn’t seem to care about missions at all. And when I say "missions" I am talking about PEOPLE out there in the world who do not know the hope and love of God and in some cases do not even have the tiny comforting false hopes that help us get through the day. So, if I can’t work with the local church in Slovenia, then I want to make sure to advocate for this important work with local churches in America. Now my job is to get our church involved with LOCAL + GLOBAL MISSION PARTNERS, and helping our people experience this extraordinary call to love our neighbors as ourselves - even when there is no apparent benefit to the growth or income of our own church family (a sadly REVOLUTIONARY idea).

3.     Missional Communities: I will be training leaders + piloting small groups that meet weekly/bi-weekly to share a meal, discuss practical living applications from that week’s teaching, pray through scripture, and connect to our local + global mission partners.

How freaking awesome is this?

There are so many things to be excited about, but the main one is that I get to start this ministry burden-free. For maybe the first time in my life, and definitely the first time in my ministry, I do not feel like I have anything to prove. Some truly incredible and trustworthy people have faith that I am a good fit for this church and can do some good here. That’s all I really need to know.

I just want to be a part of what God is doing, and hopefully I can help others get in on that journey as well.

So that’s where it’s at.

-joshua (2017).